Today with this video, I begin a new series on understanding narcissism in this series, I’ll be explaining different terms and important concepts related with the subject of narcissism so that you have a deep understanding of what you have been through and how to make sense of it.
The term for today is abused by proxy, abuse by proxy is an indirect way, a narcissist tries to re-victimize the victim when they have lost the direct control over them. Abuse by proxy is done via other people, people who are mutually known to both of the parties or friends and family by turning them against the victim.
Abuse by proxy is one of the most devastating experiences when it comes to social isolation and losing social support. When a narcissist decides to abuse someone via a proxy the first thing that they do is they start a smear campaign against them.
And once the smear campaigning has begun, the main goal is to turn as many people as a narcissist could against the victim, against the survivor and bring them to their side of the street and it doesn’t stop there.
The next step is using these people to fulfil the narcissistic agenda Indirectly, it could be using others or flying monkeys to stalk the victim or the survivor or charge her or him with the offences that they did not commit. Blame the victim with the things that they did not even think of when they were in the relationship.
Abuse by proxy can also happen in the form of, you know, threatening your family, threatening your loved ones and kind of creating the sense of danger, a sense of lack of safety. And it’s kind of a punishment for leaving the narcissist.
Abuse by proxy is mainly found in the narcissistic family dynamics where a scapegoat leaves the whole dynamic and then the family members, mainly the father or the mother whosoever is a narcissist uses the siblings or extended family to punish the scapegoat for doing what he or she did.
This way of indirectly abusing and punishing the victim leaves him or her socially isolated and afraid of trusting new people and forming new connections. I hope today I was able to explain what abuse by proxy is, and you were able to understand how and when a narcissist does it. I’ll talk with you very soon. In the next video, till then let the healing begin.
Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse – click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html
Abusers often use other people to do their dirty work for them.
If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers — in short, third parties — to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.
One form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.
(From the book “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited” by Sam Vaknin – Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)
